|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
nipping at my heartNipping at my heart
creeping into my thoughts
like how a spider creeps on its web to the innocent butterfly it preys on.
the images are slowly coming back.
they no longer feel like a half ton hitting me in the jaw.
but.....they nip at me, bothering me like a fly buzzing around my head.
didnt i say i was over this?
didnt i say i would not let it bother me anymore?
its something i cant change at all....so how come its still something i think about?
i think of words that i can recall at times like this and they stop the nipping and buzzing but only for a short while.
conversations ive had repeat over along with unspoken words in my mind.
just a bad day? or something more?
you think you've lost the war with yourself, you think you can never recover from your doubts and the things you hate about you.
you think you can never ever be happy in your situation.
when your feeling like theres no way out, i want you to do something, I want you to shine.
theres a spec of light in your darkness, it could be the friends you have, it could be a lover, it could be your small bit of confidence, take whatever that is, grab onto it and let it shine!
shine through that doubt! shine through that pain! shine through all that bullshit and suffering you've gone through! Shine so bright the sun envy's you!
and if its hard to shine alone, then ill do my best to help you and we all can shine together and become a beacon of light.
This city. This bodyThis city
is like a vampire
draining the all my life force out of me,
cruelly sinking its fangs deeper into my flesh laughing while I yell in pain.
is like the hungry wolf circling round its prey,
it shows no mercy it gives no chance for escape
if you show any weakness it will gouge out your eyes rip apart your spirit and break your mind.
Only a select few i can call friend here, only a select few i can trust.
Why havent i met anyone else the past two years?
This city makes me feel like a mad man in a straight jacket nawing on it till i bleed.
feels like a trap ill never escape i tug and i heave but trap never lets me go
its eyesight is blurry im losing the gift of clarity. Its stomach is repulsive always saging like rotten meat.
has dull dark eyes with no color, maybe thats a relfection of the contents of mine soul.
dont forgetdont forget the good things about yourself.
dont forget you are somebody.
dont forget you mean something to someone .
dont forget to smile.
dont forget that your special.
and dont forget that your loved.
Coldthe blazing sun is out
but i am cold
the people are outside mingling
but i am lonely
folks playing and having fun
Im staring out the window, wearing a expression of yearning
I wanna do something
But what can I do?
In a town of nothing but dead beats, liars, cheaters, sluts and man whores
I dont know
the silence of my room is killing me
I want to hear laughter again eat with my brethern again
I sigh I swear I shout
no one hears me cuz im alone
and i dont wanna be alone, cuz its cold.
Staring at the moon howling for my friends
IfIf your sad and lonely
If you living in fear
if your always angry
if your always hurt
if no one accepts you
if you commited suicide
if you were condemed because of something you cannot change
if you were judged so harshly it made you want to die
if you have no one to help you
if your spreading love and light
if your smiling loving laughing
if your going forward
if your stuck in the past
if you want to be happy
if your trapped in darkness
then i cry for you. Not out of judgement but because I want to help you. Give me your hand maybe i could help, dont give up on life. Theres so much to live for.
Change this lifeHiding in the shadows
Resisting in secrecy
Trying to find a way
To change this life of misery
The future is unknown
The past is to forget
The present is dull and boring
Is this what life has to offer?
I want to change
And I keep trying
Only to fail miserabily
Every single time
eight ways you've made me small1. I wish
this was for you.
2. my journal pages - the
brown one with all our monologues -
were jarred with hollow vows of
last poems of
letting you slip into a coma
of bad memories, watching you
fall to your death off
a cascading cliff of disease
and dis ease.
it was never
easy for me
3. there's a reason I ask
whether you're grey
(dark white, elusively black, in between)
or blue (behind the clouds, under wave-foam,
whateverthefuck runs through the back of my
palms); I'd rather have
than the arms
that once held you half-
heartedly. you had always been
my harmony and I
would have killed
to have been yours.
4. it could never have been just me, the way
it could never have been just
5. disasters are not beautiful,
but how is it that you
managed to make my inner linings
converge into bows
and explode into wings the very
night you decided to rebuild your walls
to a lower height?
6. I wish
on bradbury and table dancingYou are not a wordsmith
whatever you might like to think. ('Smith'
indicates precision and coldness and fire:
words are softer than that unless you mold them strong.)
It's a difficult road to follow, and not many
make it past the fork. Choose a path,
Janus says, whirligig keys spinning on his shoulders:
I am a wordworker, with my tools too crude, forming
rough-edged carvings painted with pretty imagery.
Notebooks scattered across the landscape
of a child's room, to be stumbled across,
read, red-penned, in the thick and choking breath of night.
When the bough breaks
a hanged man laughs. He carries typewriters
in his pockets, and cigarettes in the soles of his shoes.
I will never be a word mistress,
whoring myself to the speech of people I do not know and will never know me.
The oven is set to Fahrenheit 452, but the words were already aflame
before they ever took shape under your tongue.
You love everything they've ever written, and carry
unabashed loathing for every syllabl
Whenever I hurt myselfI have a feeling
Someone is watching
So I look around
But there's no one to be found
when i stimulated the prayers of rib-beat
when i licked the temple of my teeth,
speed pushed my fingers shaped like confessionals
clasped holy, carved my throat to fixing-
lover; i did this for the anthem of your eyes,
the feel of strangled feet crushing the fame of stars
for the glow of streetlight worship, for the moons
of your crooning throat, for the halls of your arms,
the strayed revels of your arms,
lover: you manufactured a god out of the drugs i used
and had me addicted to the divine, to the dignity of music
you pressed in my direction: just what i am, hallelujah,
marijuana, day and night-
lover, i fell in love with your culture
that preached the real definition of dusked kneecaps,
the plea of closeted throats, the whisper of bless,
unlearning how to say please god in borrowed tongue,
i fell in love with your attention, with nervous grace
lover. i levied the rubble of my sins
ExpirationWith you I always feel like I’m
to break in the wrong size of shoes.
Sometimes I sit and stew
over how you’re seventeen and
you think I’m a princess
the trapped-in-a-tower kind
and how you wear suits and talk about politics
and think you know the world.
My throat interrupts with an affronted gurgling sound
sometimes when I think about you,
you deal out advice where it just isn’t called for
you quote science-fiction to justify war
and you’re seventeen years old and you think I’m a princess
and you just have no blooming idea.
Darling, one of these days I will tell you my mind
But until then we’ll never fit
I’m afraid –
that even after that day
you’ll still be trimmed hedges and
Even The City KnowsIs it at all easy?
Being by yourself, I mean.
Sitting in a car, on a train, on a bus--wherever you might be now, isn't it hard to be a drifter?
There are no men with newspapers, no women with strollers, no love-crazy teenagers, no annoying toddlers, no anybody.
You stare out the window, like there are people out there, calling your name. The trees are out there, and they've lost all their leaves, all their buds--they've lost everything, just like you.
The sky is out there, and it's gray and colorless, just like you.
The stars are out there, and they're so blown-out-of-proportion, and they're just like you, too.
But the trees, the skies, the stars, they're used to being left alone.
You lack the ebullience of your drink, but it, too, is fading.
Frost has gathered on windows, on the ground, on rivers, everywhere.
Frost comes and goes, just like you, when you finally melt away.
The city draws to darkness and quiet--it disappears, just like you.
But, even frost
Death to the LoversHe screamed,
He tore his hair from his scalp;
But it didn't bring her back.
The beautiful girl
With the gorgeous smile
And witty remarks
Would always lay six feet under.
She would lie in her death bed,
Her arms folded on her chest
And her face full of peace
Known only to the dead.
He would be the first to rot.
First his health,
Then his sanity.
She would forever feed on his emotions
Like a pretty little leech,
Sapping his well being
And happiness from her underground world.
And he would let her,
For a fool like him
Who allowed himself to love,
why cant you accept im black
why cant you accept im blind
why cant you accept im asian
why cant you accept im mentally ill
why cant you accept im physically disabled and in a wheel chair
why cant you accept im sad sometimes
why cant you accept im fat
why cant you accept im homosexual
why cant you accept i might not be like you
why cant you open your heart
why cant you understand me
why cant you just love.
dont you hold someones hand
dont you hug someone
dont you laugh
dont you unify
dont you work together
dont you try to understand
dont you make something beautifull
dont you be like a dog or cat and just unconditionally love
dont you compliment someone
dont you have fun
love and spread love and light, acceptance maybe if we all do that, just maybe if we all hold hands just maybe if we work together and smile things will be so much better. you might call it a dream but i call it something that can happen.
remember that its been shown through history that someone can change thing
Keep in Touch!
^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More